aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall
Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.
Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him
This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.
Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.
It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance
They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.
if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes
Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.
Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.
this is too good to leave hidden in the replies
fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard
Oh look, it’s entirely possible for a cisgender comedian to crack jokes about transgender people without being transphobic.
what do you think of tumblrs decision to take away the ability to click on a reblog and see it on the previous person’s post, which means you’re now taken to the top of the persons blog with barely any hope of finding it?
It’s a dumb decision that actively make the user experience worse for everyone
It’s bad and they should feel bad
Staff if you don’t fix this I am going to eat your walls
Wait what’s happening?
It’s definitely a good decision! My user experience has improved thanks to this!
Please reblog im trying to prove something here
Starry eyes sparking up my darkest nights. ✰
“All media should start having trigger warnings for graphic or upsetting content.”
You mean like these:
mental illness hasn’t been destigmatised but commercialised
"download the app to continue!" what if I kill you
the ladies love me and think im normal
about a month ago, my uncle asked if I had a significant other. I appreciate his gender inclusivity, of course.
I'm used to the question. it's not like it's something outrageous that he's asking. so I simply said no, that's not for me.
he looked at me and said "well, someday." not someday maybe, just.... someday.
of course I'm not quick to anger, but there's a part of me that's a little more defensive about my aroace identity. so I jumped to my defense.
my uncle isn't a bad guy, he's quite nice and tries his best to be respectful in the current political shit storm by supporting queer people. but apparently that does exclude me, an aroace.
I reiterated that I'm just not interested in a romantic or sexual partnership, and I really do not ever see that changing.
and he said something to the effect of "it's okay if you don't want that now."
and I said, "no, it's just okay that I don't want that."
and he said that I was pessimistic. as if I was secretly searching for a relationship or a partner, but was rejecting love because I could not find one.
I calmly (with all the rage in my veins) told him "no, a life without love or sex is something optimistic for me."
he had the gall to look horrified.
I'm sick of aroace people not being seen as normal human people when they don't want the outcome of their life to look like everyone else's. I'm sick of the white picket fence, I'm sick of the assumption that everyone has another half out there.
I'm whole on my own.
